I have an eating problem or should I say, disorder. I am a binge eater. I do not purge. I eat when I am bored or upset or no reason at all. My other problem is that I LOVE to bake and cook. The cooking part isn’t so bad because I keep the cooking pretty healthy. It’s the baking. First, I don’t know how to NOT make reasonably sized batches of cookies, one pie, one cake. I bake in excess and then I feel the need to consume it all.
In some ways being a binge eater or having any kind of eating disorder is like being an alcoholic or a drug addict. It can wreak havoc on your life. You hide your eating episodes, you have mood swings and sometimes you feel helpless and hopeless.
I realized about a year ago that my problem with food could be classified at binge eating. The incident that led to the realization of this problem is as follows: we had a cake (at this point I can’t remember if it was someone’s birthday or a “just because” type of thing). I remember going to the kitchen while no one was home and grabbing a fork and the cake. I had eaten about half of what was left of the cake before I got disgusted with myself. I threw the cake in the garbage. About 20 minutes later, I wanted that cake back. I had thoughts of taking it back out of the garbage and finishing it. I didn’t do it, though the urge was really strong. I cried a lot that day at the realization that I had a problem.
At the time I was seeing a social worker for dealing with the emotional ups and downs of pregnancy. I brought up the binge eating and she worked it down to my being bored. My binging continued and I never brought it up to her again. It wasn’t that I didn’t want help, I did, I just have a huge problem with admitting fully to my weaknesses.
Not long after that we moved. I am taking it upon myself to change my eating habits. I limit the amount of “junk” we have in the house. I find things to do that keep me outside and busy. I have a food diary that I track the things I eat. I watch my portions and exercise.
I’m having a hard time with thought of the upcoming holidays. I love cooking for my family. I love that my daughter is taking an interest in what I do in the kitchen and wants to help. I would love to spend more time with my daughter baking, but the thought of baking scares me. I’m scared that if we make cookies or cupcakes that I’ll fall into old habits and I don’t want to do that.
The following is a link to the wikipedia listing for Binge Eating Disorder:
Binge Eating Disorder